Bullying, Online and Not

Last night I had hell's own time getting Avocado to step away from Facebook and go to bed: the ex-BFF of one of her friends had launched a campaign of nastiness about A's friend, and Avocado was standing up for her friend and getting snarked at in the process...my fairly reasonable daughter was having a hard time realizing that the people who were calling her friend a "snot nosed attention whore" (and that's the printable stuff--do 14 year olds have no governors on their language?) were not going to be swayed by her reasoned defense. I went through the usual "God, things were different in my day" mutterings as I went to bed, and then I remembered something I hadn't thought of in 40 years.

I was, as I think I have said before, the most socially clueless kid ever. So that, in sixth grade, when one of the most popular girls in my class was suddenly persona extremely non grata, I only saw the result of what had happened, not the swirl of scandal and anxiety that started it. It wasn't until a year or two later that my mother told me what had happened (and what, my school being my school, had occasioned parents meetings and everyone viewing with alarm). This very popular girl had started making up lies, first about classmates, then about their parents (!!). Sending anonymous notes, making phone calls--all those low-tech things no one does anymore. At first, because she was so popular, she was believed, but the wilder and broader the lies got, the less her popularity helped her--and as near as I can tell, and remember, she started thrashing around telling ever broader lies, seeking somehow to repair her standing in the class. As I said: parents met, the principal was called in, the girl was invited not to return for 7th grade...and I wound up with a temporary friend, as she rattled around at school, utterly shunned by everyone who had a clue. I, being clueless, and not one of the people to whom she would have told any of her stories, took her at face value (this is not about what a swell person I was--if I had known, I don't know if I would have shunned her or not) and hung out with her. I think she got therapy. I don't know what happened to her after the end of sixth grade. I hope she made it through adolescence and had a happier adulthood.

Why did she do it? Maybe it started out that she was testing her strength, or avenging a slight. Maybe there was some real psychiatric stuff going on. But when I was looking over Avocado's shoulder at the smearfest going on on Facebook, I remembered my sixth grade classmate and reminded myself that none of this stuff started with the internet.

For jonquil's Birthday

RegencyCake1
Originally uploaded by madrobins

This year she asked for a "Regency Cake." After imagining and discarding any number of things (including the Prince Regent all tricked out in fondant, or a cake with Flaxman architectural drawings) I decided to go for a Wedgewood-inspired cake.

Underneath the fondant there is lemon cake with raspberry filling, and marzipan on the top.

RegencyCake2
Originally uploaded by madrobins

I'm rather pleased with the cameo effect--I don't know who she is (maybe it's Sarah Tolerance in a reflective mood?) but she sat well for me.

RegencyCake3
Originally uploaded by madrobins

I learned some useful things. One: forget what they told me in decorating class: fondant does not have sufficient "ease" so that it will adhere tightly to an octagonal cake without trimming. Next time: don't expect otherwise. Two: next time, rather than cutting the feathery bits out of fondant, draw 'em on in royal icing.

But over all I'm pretty happy with the cake. And, happily, so was jonquil, who says she "got a big stupid grin on her face" when she opened the box. While I cannot imagine so intelligent a woman with a "stupid" grin, still--that's kind of the response I wanted.

ShinyShinyShinyShinyShiny

I have my new laptop! It is a thing of beauty! All my backed up stuff is there again! I am bouncybouncybouncy with the joy! Now, back to work...