Bumper Stickers

To have a reason to get up in the morning, it is necessary to possess a guiding principal. A belief of some kind. A bumper sticker, if you will. People in cars on busy freeways call to each other Boycott Grapes, comfort each other Honk if You Love Jesus, joke with each other Be Kind to Animals--Kiss a Beaver. They identify, they summarize, they antagonize with statements of faith: I Have a Dream Too--Law and Order; Jesus Saves at Chicago Fed; Rod McKuen for President.

Judith Guest* notwithstanding, I tend to be amused by other people's bumper stickers, but not want to put one on my own car. Fortunately Spouse and I share this feeling (imagine driving a car with someone else's politics, or sense of humor. Eew) although it's frustrating to the girls, who are always seeing bumper stickers they like. Like vanity plates, bumper stickers are ephemeral statements about who you are in one moment; that means you may be living with an outdated joke or cause (unless you're the sort who will go out and scrape the thing off the bumper). So I resist the temptation. Living in Mr. Bush's American, I am depressed seeing old bumper stickers for Kerry and Gore on other people's cars. I'm a little tired of being told that Jesus Saves, and equally tired of the little fish with legs and "Darwin" written inside it. I have nothing against faith or science, but why do I have to have them rubbed in my face when I'm going to buy a head of lettuce and a quart of milk? Some bumper stickers are funny; many are crude ("Mama, what does it mean, Be Kind to Animals--Kiss a Beaver?") and what is up with that silhouette of the babe with all the hair that you see on the backs of pickup trucks? It's nice that someone's child is an honor student at More Science Elementary (but if that bumper sticker dates from several years ago, and said kid is now flunking three courses at Emily Dickinson Middle School, how does he feel about it?). And a lot of bumper stickers are cute...but how long do you want to live with cute? I mean, "Be Wary of Dragons, for You are Crunchy and Good with Ketchup" made me laugh, but wouldn't after repeated viewings.

All this explains why I was pleased to see a huge bumper sticker--pretty much the width of the car I was following--which said in large block letters:

NOTHING WORTH BELIEVING FITS ON A BUMPER

*from Ordinary People, a terrific book. If you haven't read it, go and do so.