Failure of Imagination: Mine

[madrobins]

A man was arrested in Scotland for attempting to have sex with his bicycle.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex," a sheriff's spokesman told the court. The shocked witnesses told the hotel manager who told the police.

Okay. What made him think of this in the first place? I can more readily understand Portnoy's infatuation with liver or the guy in American Pie with the apple pie--at least there's the moist and the organic, and let's just leave it at that, shall we? But this is more like the erotic version of "who ever looked at a lobster and thought: gee, I'll bet that'd be swell with drawn butter and a baked potato."

Well, Stewart can take comfort in the fact that he's not alone:

Stewart, according to the Telegraph, is not the first person convicted of sex with an inanimate object. In 1993, Kar Watkins, an electrician, was arrested for having sex with pavements in Redditch, England.

Pavements? God, I'm so sheltered.