My Kid is Political. And Odd.

She wanted to post this here, in the guise of a Dire Service Emergency, but I said no. However, I thought I'd post it here with Full Attribution:

Hello and welcome.

My name is Tamora. Pages on each computer are linked, and having this page appear on your browser sends an automatic tracer to our intenal affairs department.

Everything you see, think, and do is now controlled by us. We control the horizontal and the vertical. Remember, what makes us happy, makes you happy.

At 11 o'clock every morning, there will be a world-wide inspection of all my subjects. Those under my control (you, bitch) will stand at attention exactly 2.38 feet from the screen of your computer. If the screen is adjustable, adjust it to its fully upright position at a 90˚ angle. There, you shall be inspected so as to track your height, weight, underwear brand, political and religious affiliation, level of hypocritical bullshit, and caffeine intake.

Underwear must be worn on the outside so we can check.

A virus is now implanted in your computer. Any porn sites you have ever visited have now been placed on record, and now are being sent to a file under the name of 'My Favorite Things.' Any further use of such sites is recorded. Do not worry: such actions are not prohibited, nor are they discouraged. Your contentment is all we need. We want you to be happy and content. We want you to cooperate. Remember, what makes us happy, makes you happy.

In addition, several brands, genres and specific groups of music will be objected to, and erased from your computer in order to protect your mental and emotional well-being. You will be assimilated. You will enjoy the music provided for you. Remember, what makes us happy, makes you happy.

Government-issued psychiatrists will be assigned to each person who reads this. If there are any problems with this new policy, approved by the most holy and powerful Bush Administration, saviors of the world, then please go to see your dispensing psychiatrists, and they will provide you with the medication and information needed to get past this troubling stage in your life. Remember, we are here to help. What makes us happy, makes you happy.

All previous owner of any livejournal accounts that do not react well to the good news of this wonderful and eternally powerful program shall be erased from data files. The public will be protected from these unpatriotic miscreants and all traces of them. Further actions such as theirs will have similar protective consequences. Remember, what makes us happy, makes you happy.

Long reign Tamora, Totalitarian General of the glorious and prosporous Bush Administration.

Namaste.
-Tamora, T.G.

Be afraid. I know I am.