My Kid: she'll be here all week, folks...

So Sarcasm Girl comes home from school and Mock Trial tonight, quite cheery. "Monica gave me a Christmas present! A buncha candy canes and--" she brandishes a small stuffed reindeer with a Santa cap and sprig of holly in its collar. "This," she announces, "is William Rudolph Hearst."
"Cool," I say. I start to ask, "is he in publishing," but she cuts me off. "Of course, he's a cat."
"A cat?"
She comes close to me and murmurs confidentially: "Shhhh. He's got species dysphoria issues. We're saving up for the operation. In the meantime, humor him."

So I did.