Wanna Be a Writer?
Conversation with a parent at a meeting (not about writing):
Parent: Oh, you're a writer?
Me: Uh huh.
Parent: I wrote a book. (pause) Maybe you know someone who could publish it.
Me: **blink** Um. Um. What kind of book is it?
Parent: It's sort of a romance. (insistently) It's finished.
Me: (encouragingly) That's good. Statistically, you're ahead of the game.
Parent: Huh?
Me: Oh, most people who start books don't finish them. So right there, you're ahead of the game.
Parent: So do you know someone who could publish it?
Me: Um. What sort of romance is it?
Parent: (looks at me as if I were profoundly stupid) It's a romance. You know.
Me: I mean, is it historical? Present day? Chick lit? Regency? Lots of sex? No sex at all? All this has some bearing on finding a publisher.
Parent: Well, doesn't that person decide what it is?
Me: Huh? You mean the publisher? Um, no. You wrote the book, right? The publisher has to figure out how to market it, but you're the author, you know what sort of book it is. I mean, what's the setting.
Parent: Here. I mean, America. Now.
Me: Okay, so it's contemporary. Is it humorous?
Parent: (offended) No!
Me: Okay, contemporary romance, no humor. Sex or no sex.
Parent: (looking a little uncomfortable) Some sex. Not too much sex. Some sex.
Me: Look, the best thing to do is to go to a bookstore, find books that are sort of like your book, and take notes on who published them. Then call those publishers and ask for their submission guidelines.
Parent: (long pause): Don't you know someone who could publish it?
Me: (Thinking of saying, Hey, try PublishAmerica, but biting my tongue) I'm not an agent, so...the best advice I can give you is what I've already given you.
(Charged silence for several minutes)
Parent (sotto voce): I finished it. (Then, more loudly, to me) So what do you write?
Me: Mysteries, science fiction, fantasy. Lots of different stuff.
Parent: Oh. Well then, I guess you wouldn't know.
Parent: Oh, you're a writer?
Me: Uh huh.
Parent: I wrote a book. (pause) Maybe you know someone who could publish it.
Me: **blink** Um. Um. What kind of book is it?
Parent: It's sort of a romance. (insistently) It's finished.
Me: (encouragingly) That's good. Statistically, you're ahead of the game.
Parent: Huh?
Me: Oh, most people who start books don't finish them. So right there, you're ahead of the game.
Parent: So do you know someone who could publish it?
Me: Um. What sort of romance is it?
Parent: (looks at me as if I were profoundly stupid) It's a romance. You know.
Me: I mean, is it historical? Present day? Chick lit? Regency? Lots of sex? No sex at all? All this has some bearing on finding a publisher.
Parent: Well, doesn't that person decide what it is?
Me: Huh? You mean the publisher? Um, no. You wrote the book, right? The publisher has to figure out how to market it, but you're the author, you know what sort of book it is. I mean, what's the setting.
Parent: Here. I mean, America. Now.
Me: Okay, so it's contemporary. Is it humorous?
Parent: (offended) No!
Me: Okay, contemporary romance, no humor. Sex or no sex.
Parent: (looking a little uncomfortable) Some sex. Not too much sex. Some sex.
Me: Look, the best thing to do is to go to a bookstore, find books that are sort of like your book, and take notes on who published them. Then call those publishers and ask for their submission guidelines.
Parent: (long pause): Don't you know someone who could publish it?
Me: (Thinking of saying, Hey, try PublishAmerica, but biting my tongue) I'm not an agent, so...the best advice I can give you is what I've already given you.
(Charged silence for several minutes)
Parent (sotto voce): I finished it. (Then, more loudly, to me) So what do you write?
Me: Mysteries, science fiction, fantasy. Lots of different stuff.
Parent: Oh. Well then, I guess you wouldn't know.